I find myself, now, in the in-between of all in-betweens. I am originally from Atlanta, but I just graduated from Georgia College down in Milledgeville (if you’ve never heard of it, I wouldn’t entirely be surprised). So I have lived away from Atlanta for four years, not to mention my last semester being spent in Denver, Colorado with a month of travel in Kenya and Rwanda to top it off. To make matters more complicated, my girlfriend, Haley, and I decided it was too much trouble to put of engagement any longer, and I asked her to marry me during our last month in Colorado.
Oh yeah, and I went to Brazil too…
We land in Atlanta, an engaged couple to be married in September, no jobs, no apartment to move into before our wedding, and we say, “Yeah, it’ll be exciting and fun, and we will figure it out.” We’re figuring it out. Haley started training for her first job out of college today, which is huge, and I spent the day looking for jobs and apartments on the world-wide web (something she is starkly more adept for but I want to help with).
Now to what I have to say about all of this.
So I’m looking for a job and a place to live and I’m getting married and everyone is so excited for me, talking about my wedding with everyone they know and everything is making me sick because it’s so inwardly-focused and all about me. I’m tired of all of the attention and I feel like I can’t take part in other people’s lives right now because my life has become this black hole of ceaseless attention, talking, and planning.
The reality is that other people tend to have more to say about our big day than do Haley and I. Yes, we are ecstatic, overjoyed, that we’re finally going to be taking this radical leap of faith into self-giving and trusting one another with our lives, but something in me has been cringing at the constant mentioning of showers and traditions and money and all of the other peripheral fluff that comprises most of our anxieties during this time.
All of this said, I am ready to settle. I’m ready to stop traveling and seeing new places and trying to connect with new people that I will rarely have the chance to speak with. We’re done with transitions, my Lord, Haley and I are looking forward to a home to share in our little niche of the world. Above all, to my friends, I am ready to talk about your life, your plans, how I can be a mark on the pages of your story. Let me celebrate who you are and encourage the parts of you that make this world beautiful. Help me to escape the drudging monotony of self-focus by communing with me in the core of what makes us come so alive.