A red umbrella, and it’s upside down, collecting the falling rain instead of keeping me dry. I’ve been living the last several days with this impression in my mind.
This picture was an answer to a question, “God, what is pertinent for us to know in this moment? How can we rely more on You?” Pondering this image that appeared in my plane of perception, I began to notice the metaphor (or part of it). Stop trying so hard to manage your life because it makes you self focused, but instead, posture yourself to receive what I have for you and be open.
So I’ve been trying to live like this. It’s not been too hard, because I don’t feel I’m very good at managing my life, but I can become inwardly focused (and I’d say I have been struggling to break out of that for a while). I’ve been applying for jobs [that I don’t want] because it’s time to make some money, and there’s a very real need to find income because Haley and I are getting married in September. However, since I decided to propose to her in April, this has been a time of faith for us; we’re not playing by the rules of the world.
I stopped yesterday and said, “Ok, God. I’m weak – REALLY weak – when it comes to finding a job; that’s pretty clear at the moment. I guess this is a situation where You can be strong for me.” I got an email from a connection about coming in for an interview later that same day, an organization I thought wouldn’t be hiring for months. Though I explained, earlier, that I am not very interested in many of the jobs I’ve applied for, this job is one I am notably interested in.
It’s strange to hear back so quickly from this organization, and it seems rare to see God respond so soon. I mean, the umbrella stuff usually comes fairly naturally, but the tangible fulfillment of an expectation like that is pretty rad. I have been waiting – for months – trying to do what I can, which is apparently very little.
Anyway, I guess what I have to say here is that living in expectation of God’s movement is the way faith operates in life. It’s not making sure you do one thing and not another thing, but choosing to be aware of the continuity of God’s presence and provision in every circumstance. My job is not to push and make sure ends meet (there is a place for this, especially in work), but to consistently hold open my hands and heart and patiently, confidently wait for them to be filled.