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In Boundless Ruby Sky

in boundless ruby sky
[without even a concept of bounds]
we swam altogether
before
light and dark’s separation
[our creation!]

without end, our expanse-
waves of movement across
vastness of oceans
[within oceans]
uncurbed by the sands of time
[no passing, no progressing]

ever-repeating waves,
cycle back and over again
traversing infinity
[transposing finity]
we see light and dark,
the warmth of distant stars
felt close in the air around us
[fire in every leaf-
each movement of life beneath]

all aglow, our eyes spray stars
across moonlit heavens
[light beyond distance, leave distance behind]
spirits soar through open windows,
clouds flow freely inside and out
[star substance animation]
and we see

3.17.2016 – 5.21.2016

Come If You Need To

You don’t have to come back around
but you can-
come if you need to
come if your knees are too weak

and you can’t say what you feel,
think what you might;
we’re not the fear that holds you
still, go ahead and speak
any of the pain you can will

into words,
we’ll take them in
with you, sit here at the table.
There’s a fire inside us and it’s kept us
warm;

I promise that this warmth is real,
can you feel it in us?
I can feel it
[can you feel it?]
in you.

When Doing As You Please Doesn’t Please You Anymore

I don’t want to write this.

I suppose it would be more accurate to say, “I don’t feel like writing this,” because sometimes I want things in my life that I don’t feel like doing or achieving. So as I write, I am getting over the lethargy that would have held me paralyzed in the ridiculous limbo of not knowing what I want [to do] in the moment. It’s fairly frustrating to be in that place.

When all I can manage to do is what I feel like doing in the moment, there is a sense of freedom that, when the curtain peels back, is revealed to be a false. Listening to my laziness, irritation, and fear (among other feelings), I realize that these things don’t want what I want. So I’m going to end this post with this…

Laziness, I do not belong to you, and I have things I want to accomplish.
Irritation, I don’t want to hear it, because I have kindness to share.
Fear, you will not choke the life out of me – I will overcome you time and again.

A Bumblebee’s Final Moments

I watched a bumblebee struggle for some of its last moments today.

It seemed as if she (I checked the internet to verify the little creature’s sex for purposes of narration) had run out of the energy required for flying; she was still trying to make it across the driveway on foot.  I stepped inside for a moment, and when I returned, I saw a bird quickly fly away from where I had just seen the bee.  Checking to see if my new acquaintance had just been eaten, I found her lying on her back, legs and stinger frantically moving.  I could not tell if she was trying to defend or right herself, but I am fairly certain the struggle I was witnessing was to stay alive for whatever purpose was ingrained in her mind (or genes).

Death was imminent in this moment.  I questioned the struggle with reason; if the bee is dead in two minutes either way, why does it matter for her to defend herself?  Does she know she is going to die?  Is she in pain?  Conventional wisdom says that if an animal is mortally wounded and in pain, to “put it out of its misery.”

I felt that ending this bumblebee’s perceived physical life, however humane the method, would cheapen its experience of death – that my intervention was unwarranted, no matter the impending result of this moment. This moment was sacred, and I did not want to impose man’s self-entitled authority in applying his pseudo-knowledge toward improving creation and diluting the honesty of life.  The earth has had enough of that.

She’s dead now.  Whatever that means.  As is the inevitable end (so we’ve come to expect) for all of us, whatever life force existed in that body is gone – and the body will soon be gone.  Unless something supernatural happens, each one of us has to face the veil of life’s end.  We will struggle and feel pain in this life, and our last struggle will end in surrender.  I feel the conviction to confront this moment in an honest and authentic way, as it is our last experience before we finally pass into the unknown.

There is freedom in surrender, even in the presence of pain.
I do not know where she has gone, but that bumblebee put up a rowdy fight for life today.

صلى الله عليه لها

The Real Life

There is some really interesting information at fightthenewdrug.org that likens the viewing of pornography to drug use and its addictive repercussions. Porn is similar to many drugs in the stimulative effect of releasing neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine that bring pleasure to the body and form “reward pathways.” This can lead to not only addiction, but the brain’s desensitization toward the natural flow of these pleasure-stimulating neurotransmitters in everyday experiences: feeling the wind on your face, kissing your spouse, the thrill of sports, etc. Basically, overexposure to sexual content dulls your experience of the rest of the world (in the neurologically formative teenage years, this effect can be especially potent, solidifying patterns of behavior that reinforce pleasure).

I typically try to keep my distance from unnecessary extremes, but I have been pondering the way other activities might affect our ability to enjoy our life experiences fully. Watching movies, for example, can be a sort of action porn, and social media can provide us with a sort of relationship porn; both giving us hyper-real images and expressions of life, whether gunfights between giant alien robots or filtered images of sunlight pouring in from behind a lot of attractive people wearing trendy clothes pretending to laugh so they look like they’re having such amazing fun doing whatever normal thing everyone else does (I may have some feelings attached to this).

Life is meant to be enjoyed for what it is, and too often, we live consumed in the mental fantasy world of images and video. There might be great value in cutting back on our consumption of social media, movies, video games, pornography, and maybe sports on television (how does physical activity become something that encourages us to sit on our asses to watch while we eat cheese puffs and buffalo wings?). Like Tyler says in Fight Club, “After you’ve been to fight club, watching football on television is watching pornography when you could be having great sex.”

lazy eye tea drinkin'
This is a mostly irrelevant picture of me drinking tea or something.

So here’s some ideas…

Stop watching porn and think about what you really want from sex in your life and the way you want your brain to function. Do the research too; I encourage that.
Limit your consumption of social media so you can live your own life and enjoy your own experiences. Not everything has to have an Instagram post to catalog it. Practice enjoying simple moments for what they are to you and the people you share them with. You’ll honestly probably have better things to share then.
Think about the effect that movies have on you and your perception of life, be they hyper-idealized romances or hyper-real giant robot battles with giant aliens (or whatever it is that giant robots are fighting these days).

Like one of my professors used to say, and probably still says, “Garbage in, garbage out,” (though out of context); we have to pay attention to the things we put in our bodies and minds if we want to be healthy and live in a fully operational and enjoyable way. We also need to stop gorging ourselves with so much imagery and information and make room for some much-needed rest in our bodies, minds, and souls.

So like they said in the 90s… Keep it real y’all.